I'm a fake of myself...

Today,a good speaker came to my school and had a talk with all of us Upper Six students.He insisted all of us should have at least a goal so that we can drive through it with successfully.But,I was wondering did I have a target or a goal?Did I thought before why I came into Form Six?Yes,frankly the answer I got is NO.I never think before.I never set my goal before too.How useless I am.

I went to Form Six because of my parents.I took science subjects since Form Four(I took it because I want to same class with my friends).You see how poor I am never think the future of myself.Sadden,I still don't know what I gonna choose when finish my STPM or I should say I still don't know can I pass my STPM?Everyday go to school for me is wasting my times because sometimes I was dreaming around,fooling around and crapping around with my friends.The reason not I don't want to pay attention is how the teacher's teaching methods which couldn't suit me.For instance,chemistry teacher's tones I couldn't send into my ears,muet teacher she never came to class for ages or I should say that no matter she got came in or didn't also can count as NO.That is because from last year until now she like never taught us before.Everytime came in just talk nonsense and need our helps.I just pay attention during math period(start from this year because of Mr. Koay who is such a responsible and hardworking teacher) and PA teacher (Dr. Allison who is so strict and force us not to talk and do other things during her lessons so I force to concentrate on it).I love the ways she criticize of our country's parliaments and politic which is fantastic and interesting.I gonna fall in love with her lessons.

I never organize my time table,don't know the ways to study smart,never let my brain function 100% before.I such a lazy,lousy,and useless person.Everytime I got back home,I throw away my school bag and books.Then start to have my lunch,watch tv,online download dramas and sleep.Until the night,I only start to take out homework(which need to pass up soon) and do.I never do revision.I'm such a person who love to burn the midnight oil(thanks may ling for telling me this idioms..hehe).One or two days before the exams I only start to do revision or sometimes I just give up the subject which I don't like.I also didn't cry or sad or even regret when I got a poor results.I can admit that I really change a lot from the past.May be because of the school(I hate this school very much) and also the teachers(ba-zhang,tuo-ba,ketupat,tuo-na-ao).So,due to this I started to change.I change to be another person who not really me(who didn't have targets,ambitious,dreams,plans).

Now,all I want is that I hope my real person can come out again and the fake one faster run away from me.Don't come and find me again,please!!!I already tired,bored,scared of it.I want to make my parents proud,I want to be proud of myself too.I want to set a goal.I want to drive through my goal and achieve it.I want people envy me.I want score good results in my STPM.I want to fulfill my dreams.I want change to like last time of me.I want back to Form Five(if the time allow me to do so,I won't care to re-sit my SPM again,as long as I can score good results).

GOD please help me.I also will help myself.I want change to be like last time.I don't like now.I want to make a change.I want to set a goal,I want to study smart,I want to organize my times perfectly,I want to achieve my goal,I want to fulfill my dreams.